Overcoming insecurity in relationships can be a tough challenge for anyone. Think about it – insecurity is often the very thing that can drive a person away from another individual, love them, and ultimately drive them away from you. However, insecurity is exactly the thing which can essentially drive a person away from themselves, and can be the thing that can potentially kill your relationship. Thus it is imperative to know the exact steps for overcoming insecurity in relationships so as to save your relationship, because remaining the same are typically what can kill off your relationship.
For starters, the first step is to figure out why the insecurity exists in the first place. It may be something seemingly inconsequential like the fact that you were abused as a child. If so, figure out if your behavior patterns (such as picking fights or becoming jealous) are still intact from when you were abused. If you can truly detach yourself from those behavior patterns, it can be very difficult to develop insecurity issues in current relationships.
Once you know why you feel the way you do, you need to work on improving your behavior patterns until they match your partners. That means overcoming your own insecurities and turning into someone who is trustworthy, dependable, and empathetic towards their partners. In order to do this, you will need to spend time with someone else (without your partner knowing) and find out what that person does and how he or she treats them. It can help to start an intimate relationship with someone else to get a feel for how other people treat the person you want to become, and how the person behaves in return. Once you’ve developed these behaviors with this person, it will be much easier to develop those same behaviors with your partner.
One of the most important steps to overcome insecurity in a relationship is to have compassion for yourself. Even if your feelings about yourself are justified and your partner is wrong, feeling bad about yourself won’t do anything to solve your problems in a relationship. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, it’s important to try to understand what your own emotions are driving you. When you listen to your partner’s podcast episodes and really absorb his or her frustrations and fears, you can begin to understand why you are behaving the way you are. You may not be able to remove your negative beliefs about yourself, but at least you’ll have a better understanding of why they are holding you back.
While it’s good to keep repeating yourself and telling yourself that you’re doing a great job handling things, it can also be helpful to let go of the victim mentality. The phrase “no one is perfect” is so true, yet many people let their insecurities get the best of them. When you tell yourself that other people are flawed, it can be difficult not to start sabotaging your own attempts to become the ideal partner. Rather than viewing the criticism of others as a reflection on you as a whole, you’ll begin to see it more of an opportunity to grow and expand in your relationship.
Along with listening to your partner’s podcasts and seeing how they are dealing with their insecurities, it can also be helpful to try some new approaches to long-term relationships. One approach that has worked for couples who were at each other’s heels is to reread the same page repeatedly. Although this may seem like a rather redundant exercise, it actually serves to let go of old patterns and habits in the relationship. In each of your rereads, you should consciously decide whether you are living in a balanced, emotionally healthy environment. If you are, then the old patterns will be less powerful and your relationships will be stronger.
Overcoming insecurity in relationships does require you to make changes in your own behaviors. If you find that you are sabotaging your efforts at relationship success, it’s important to take a hard look at yourself. Are you spending too much time focusing on your partner’s needs or their wants instead of focusing on your own? If so, you’re probably perpetuating your partner’s insecurities.
You can also help your partner stop feeling insecure by helping them gain confidence in themselves. You can do this by giving them feedback about their skills, talents, and attractiveness. This will not only give you some encouragement, but will also serve to build their self-esteem. Finally, if you want to help your partner stop feeling insecure, it will also be helpful for you to spend more time being confident in yourself. Start modeling for confidence now; you’ll both feel better about each other in the end.